Guest Shot in "Monty"

Pretty good likeness. What a surprise to see myself in Jim Meddick's comic, "Monty." Just goes to prove that the power of Bambi-Lyn transcends all media. I even conquer the comics world.

Politics, Milk Tits, and What I Believe

A lot of people have been asking me, "Bambi-Lyn, just what do YOU think about Sarah Palin?" (they ask me this because they know that, among other things, I am a political genius).

While I generally don't discuss politics with people, I'll make an exception for this. I have to say that I think it's fantabulous for a woman to run for vice president. Why, Sarah Palin has all the prerequisites for a legendary VP: she's pretty, she has a nice figure, and she really pulls off that sexy librarian look (not as well as I do, but then again...no one does).

Sure, she's only been governor of Alaska for a year or so. And sure, people say she "misused" her power to get people fired who didn't agree with her, but who DOESN'T do stuff like that? I mean, come on...she's up in Alaska. Do you know how boring it probably gets up there? If not for her firing people without due cause or good reason, those people wouldn't have ANYTHING to talk about. She actually performed a public service.

And all this book banning nonsense...she's pretty! She doesn't HAVE to read! Reading is for fat girls who have too many cats. I'm sure that if she thinks a book isn't appropriate for a library, then she's absolutely right, because we all know that attractive people really do know what's best for everyone else. And come on...I'm sure the library had all kinds of other books anyway. Who would miss them?

I'm so tired of people calling Palin out on her anti-abortion, anti-sex education issues. Obviously, she knows what's best for other women. She's been pregnant so many times, she's proven to these teen mothers that it's no biggie! Sure, you might get fat for a little while, but you can diet and exercise like crazy after you have your precious bundle of unwanted sunshine to get back down to your man-trapping weight! Plus, you'll have milk tits, the best (natural) tits in the world! Would you rather have some MAN telling you that you couldn't abort a baby even if you'd been raped by your uncle? No, you wouldn't. You want somebody with a vagina to make that decision for you.

I think so many people (especially women) don't like Palin because she's pretty. It's been my experience that average-to-ugly women just don't care for women who are more attractive than they are. Jealousy is such an ugly thing. I have to put up with it from every woman I meet because I'm SO much more beautiful than they will ever be, and let me tell you...I know exactly what Sarah Palin is going through. She's a former beauty queen edging towards her fifties, though, so I'm sure all that jealousy will go away pretty soon once the boobs start sagging and the wrinkles start showing up through the make-up. After all, is anybody jealous of Hillary Clinton?

The bottom line is this: men will vote for Palin because she reminds them of the hot teacher/librarian/friend's mom they always wanted to nail. Women will vote for her because they think she's all feminist and crap because she managed to pop out five kids and keep a full-time job. Face it...nobody's going to be voting Republican because of McCain. He might be a former POW, but he's no Brad Pitt.

Will I vote for McCain/Palin in November? I'm not saying. I don't want to alienate my fans. I usually write myself in for president, but that hasn't panned out yet. I just wanted the world to know that they're wrong to judge Sarah Palin on her poor performance in office, or her intolerant religious beliefs, or her unrealistic views on teen abstinence. Judge her on what McCain judged her by. Judge her on her looks.

After all, pretty people always know what's best. And I should know.

New Movie on the Horizon

I'm so excited! I'm getting ready to write AND produce AND star in another one-of-a-kind Bambi-Lyn Couchet classic. This one's going to be a period piece, and I'm doing extensive research for it. I mean, I even went to the library! Yeah...be impressed.

What I'm most excited about is that this is the first film I've done that will have CGI in it. They tell me it'll look just as good as anything in "Star Wars"--whatever that movie is. I don't really watch movies that don't star me, so I might be a little behind in what's popular. I guess it's science fiction or something, which means there's no way I'll sit through it. I mean, geek city.

Anyway, the new movie's a period piece like I said, and I think it's going to be the most exciting Bambi-Lyn movie ever. My character is a young girl on the fragile precipice of womanhood who must struggle through adversity to become the leader she was born to be. It's really deep. I'm totally stoked to be able to use my award-winning acting ability to bring this character, La-La, to life.

I even designed my fur bikini myself. I used velcro so it's rip-offable. I look killer hot in it. Here's a rough prototype:

The best thing about the bikini? I don't have to get a friggin' Brazillian wax! Everything will just blend together all nice and easy. The worst thing? I've got a feeling PETA is going to be all over my ass for using real fur. I can't help it if the baby seal/polar bear mix is the softest fur in the world!


Yeah, "Tyrannosaurus Sex" is going to be an instant classic. I bet even Blockbuster will agree to carry it! Unless they're still all tight-assed about nudity, sexual content, and dinosaurs giving nubile young cavewomen erotic massages. Prudes.

Is There Anything I CAN'T Do?

The Universe has demanded that Bambi-Lyn share her immeasurable wisdom to the world, and so it is my pleasure to announce that I now write a column for the amazing site, Pretty-Scary.net.

It's an advice column, and I have to say that it has been a wonderful experience sharing my vast opinions with the world so far. It's a great opportunity for me to break through the glass ceiling of scream queens and prove that I'm much more than a stunningly beautiful face and soul-rendingly perfect figure. Some people say that I'm a goddess. I have no problem with that.

So write me with your questions! Male or female, I'll give advice, answer questions, share my knowledge with anybody who writes in (and who has an interesting question that is worthy of my time). Send your questions to me at screamqueenbambi-lyn @ hotmail.com (be sure to scrunch it all up together when you type it in).

Come on...you know you wanna.