Politics, Milk Tits, and What I Believe

A lot of people have been asking me, "Bambi-Lyn, just what do YOU think about Sarah Palin?" (they ask me this because they know that, among other things, I am a political genius).

While I generally don't discuss politics with people, I'll make an exception for this. I have to say that I think it's fantabulous for a woman to run for vice president. Why, Sarah Palin has all the prerequisites for a legendary VP: she's pretty, she has a nice figure, and she really pulls off that sexy librarian look (not as well as I do, but then again...no one does).

Sure, she's only been governor of Alaska for a year or so. And sure, people say she "misused" her power to get people fired who didn't agree with her, but who DOESN'T do stuff like that? I mean, come on...she's up in Alaska. Do you know how boring it probably gets up there? If not for her firing people without due cause or good reason, those people wouldn't have ANYTHING to talk about. She actually performed a public service.

And all this book banning nonsense...she's pretty! She doesn't HAVE to read! Reading is for fat girls who have too many cats. I'm sure that if she thinks a book isn't appropriate for a library, then she's absolutely right, because we all know that attractive people really do know what's best for everyone else. And come on...I'm sure the library had all kinds of other books anyway. Who would miss them?

I'm so tired of people calling Palin out on her anti-abortion, anti-sex education issues. Obviously, she knows what's best for other women. She's been pregnant so many times, she's proven to these teen mothers that it's no biggie! Sure, you might get fat for a little while, but you can diet and exercise like crazy after you have your precious bundle of unwanted sunshine to get back down to your man-trapping weight! Plus, you'll have milk tits, the best (natural) tits in the world! Would you rather have some MAN telling you that you couldn't abort a baby even if you'd been raped by your uncle? No, you wouldn't. You want somebody with a vagina to make that decision for you.

I think so many people (especially women) don't like Palin because she's pretty. It's been my experience that average-to-ugly women just don't care for women who are more attractive than they are. Jealousy is such an ugly thing. I have to put up with it from every woman I meet because I'm SO much more beautiful than they will ever be, and let me tell you...I know exactly what Sarah Palin is going through. She's a former beauty queen edging towards her fifties, though, so I'm sure all that jealousy will go away pretty soon once the boobs start sagging and the wrinkles start showing up through the make-up. After all, is anybody jealous of Hillary Clinton?

The bottom line is this: men will vote for Palin because she reminds them of the hot teacher/librarian/friend's mom they always wanted to nail. Women will vote for her because they think she's all feminist and crap because she managed to pop out five kids and keep a full-time job. Face it...nobody's going to be voting Republican because of McCain. He might be a former POW, but he's no Brad Pitt.

Will I vote for McCain/Palin in November? I'm not saying. I don't want to alienate my fans. I usually write myself in for president, but that hasn't panned out yet. I just wanted the world to know that they're wrong to judge Sarah Palin on her poor performance in office, or her intolerant religious beliefs, or her unrealistic views on teen abstinence. Judge her on what McCain judged her by. Judge her on her looks.

After all, pretty people always know what's best. And I should know.