My Newest Triumph: "BIGFEAR"

(Note: I also posted this blog on my Myspace page and on Pretty-Scary.net--I want the world to know about my screenwriting debut--for reals, this time; those other scripts didn't get made!)

So since the announcement the other day of the Bigfoot body a couple of hunters shot in Georgia, I've already put into production the newest Bambi-Lyn Couchet Masterpiece of Modern Terror (tm): "BIGFEAR"!

I wrote the script myself, because I'm tired of being the sex object in some nerd's fantasy. So of course, my film has style and class and romance. It's a loose re-imagining of "King Kong," and I must say, it's going to be a classic. Especially since I'm writing AND starring in it. I'll probably help with the directing too, because the director's some young guy who doesn't know his ass from his elbow and will be easy to manipulate--er, make suggestions to.

In my movie, the giant gorilla is going to be a giant Bigfoot, and I'm going to be the classy Diane Fossey type Bigfootologist who is out int he woods with her team to study him. After rampaging through the camp, he's going to kidnap me and fall in love with me, blah blah blah. I take him back to L.A. to reveal him to the world, and he gets all freaked out by the cameras and media and Paris Hilton lookalikes and goes nutzoid and kills a bunch of people. Then he climbs to the top of a tree (we can't afford too many locations) and gets shot and dies. "T'was great, outstanding, unbelievable, ungodly beauty that killed the beast." You know the story.

I'm super excited to be updating such a classic film. There's one scene where Bigfoot fights a chupacabra over me that will have you on the edge of your couch (because this is going to be direct to DVD). And then there's the love story...we're going to have to do some fancy editing to get around Bigfoot's OTHER big appendage, if you know what I mean (and I think you do).

It's going to be shot over the next couple of weekends down at the director's mom's house in Tarzana. I've already got my tear-away leather bikini ready. I just feel bad for the poor bastard who has to wear the Bigfoot suit. At least I get to be naked for most of the movie!

PS: If the Bigfoot suit looks familiar, it's probably because the cheap-ass producers rented it from the guys who made the porn classic, "In Search of Bigd**k" (or as it's known overseas, "Sascrotch: The Breast Beast." You don't even want to know what that stuff is in the fake fur. Trust me. You don't want to know.