Singing Gig!

I'm getting ready to go out to a party somewhere in the Valley, but I wanted to pop in and let you guys know what I'm going to be up to this weekend. You guys know that I'm also a singer, right? Oh, yeah...I love to sing. People say I sound like a cross between Mariah Carey and Celine Dion. I always get tons of compliments on my big, powerful lungs. But anyway, this weekend I've got a singing gig!

Okay, so maybe it's not so much a gig as an open mic night at a club in LA, but it's the first time I'll be singing in front of an audience in a few years. You see, back in 2004, I had a horrible experience while on stage at an outdoor gig. I was right in the middle of that really hard to sing part of "Lovin' You"--you know the song: "Lovin' you is easy 'cause you're beautiful"--and I was hitting that high note just PERFECTLY...when a giant bug flew into my mouth. Not a fly or a gnat or anything like that. This was a big junebug--or something like it, with a lot of legs and wings. It got stuck in my throat and I ended up swallowing it and that made me really sick so I puked on stage in front of everybody and it was just a bad time for all involved. Especially the bug.

Anyway, that put me off singing for a while, but now I'm thinking about jump-starting a side career as a singer, so I decided to get back into the game. A guy I know says he can put me in some videos. So far, I'll be starring as "Girl in Leopard Print Bikini" in the video for a rap group called Thugz and Hugz for a song called "Bitch, I'll Slap You Down (And Then Make Sweet Luv To U)", and then I'll appear as "Girl in Wet T-Shirt" for a new boy band called Prepubes for their song, "Baby Please (I Just Want U 2 Touch It)". After that, I've got a featured role in the video for that Latin heartthrob Lorenzio for his new romantic ballad, "Do You (Like it Doggie Style)"--I portray his girlfriend and spend the entire video covered in honey, whipped cream, and feathers (I guess that's his thing).

And don't worry, fans! I'm still a horror scream queen!!! I'm just branching out to be a video diva. I'm between movies right now and this is a great way for me to network!

After I get my exposure as a video girl, I'll start recording my own single that I wrote myself. It's inspired by artists like Alanis Morrisette and all those other Lillith Fair types. I wanted to write a song that would empower women and give us all dignity and respect. The song is called "Lick Me" and I think it'll be a number one hit. Here's a sample of the lyrics (imagine a throbbing techno beat behind it, with a touch of violin, harp, and a little bit of harmonica):

Ooh, baby...lick me...
Yeah, do it like that...lick me...
Not there, that tickles...lick me...
You know you want it...lick me...
I deserve equal pay...lick me...
No glass ceiling...lick me...
Lick me, lick me, lick me...lick me...

That's just the first chorus. It goes on for three more, and it's killer hot. I can't wait to shoot the video for it.

Okay...gotta go. My party awaits my presence. Hope you guys have an excellent weekend like I will!