My Ex-Marriage

A note about my marriage...

I've received a ton of heartbroken emails from my fans who could not believe that I had gone off and gotten married.

To them, I say...I'm sorry. But to cheer up because it doesn't count. Plus, I'll probably get getting super rich from it, so it was a really good investment, if you ask me.

Some people have asked me what kind of wedding gown I wore. Actually, it wasn't a gown so much as a pair of daisy dukes and a tube top. Oh, and flip-flops. As you all well know, Brittney Spears is, like, my fashion goddess, and so I wanted to look just like her (you know, when she got married to the boring, poor guy, not when she got married to the dorky poor guy).

I still have my wedding ring, of course, because I told BJ he'd have to hire somebody to cut my finger off to get that 18 carat diamond off my hand. He didn't say much after that, so I think I'm going to go hock it next week. I like having all my fingers.

But once again, I want to assure all my fans that I AM NOT MARRIED!!! It was just an experience that helped me grow...and become rich.

You can still fantasize about me without feeling guilty. Unless you fantasize about making me do really pervo stuff. Then you should feel a little guilty.