My Craft

I've had many people ask me just how I've developed my craft as an actress, and all I can say to them is that it's just a spark of magic that I was born with. Just as I was born with an incredible rack and a booty that would make J-Lo look like a little boy, I was born with the ability to use my body, my instrument, to create characters and moments on film that bring my fans to tears.

I laugh at the so-called actresses who spend all their time and money going to acting classes. Honestly, either you can act or you can't. No amount of class is going to help you create the right look of fear when you're being molested by goo creatures from Mars (as I was in the film "Attack of the Goo!") or when you have to scream for take after take in a scene where you discover that your entire family has been ground up into hamburger for a cannibalistic picnic (as in my film, "BBQ of Doom").

You either have it or you don't, and as my fans will tell you, I have it in spades. The many awards I've won for my appearances in films will attest to that face. If I weren't a great actress, would I have won the 2003 GORE GIRL OF THE YEAR? Would I have won the 2004 Skinnie Award for Best Topless Murder Scene? Would I have the gold-plated Chesty award (a mold of my boobs) on my mantle--given to me for my role as Tessy McTits in the film "Bouncy Booby High"--if I were not worthy of the honor?

I think not. And I think that the actresses out there who are bad-mouthing me (you know who you are) had better keep their two-bit opinions to themselves.

Jealousy makes you look fat. They should remember that.