Memory Lane: "Sorority Car Wash 3--Let's Get Wet!"

Because I know you love hearing about my experiences in film, I thought I'd tell you a little bit about the film, SORORITY CAR WASH 3--LET'S GET WET! In this classic I played Debi (FYI: it was my idea to spell her name that way--isn't it cuter? Plus, it was easier for me to remember how to spell.)

This role is one of my favorites, partly because in my heart I'm a water sign, and so I'm SO in tune with wetness. I love going to the ocean in my teeniest bikini and getting all tanned and stuff. And I just love fish, too. Especially when they're fried. I thought about joining Greenpeace once so I could help, you know, save the earth and stuff, but then they told me I could only bring one dufflebag and that they didn't have room for my "save-the-world" wardrobe that I went out and bought ESPECIALLY for them. Losers.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, right...Debi is the best friend of Taylor, president of the sorority--and in fact, it's her idea to have the college's first topless car wash! Sadly enough, I never had the opportunity to go to college-- they made me take some kind of stupid test that they SAID I had to pass. Losers--but I have a feeling it would have been a lot like this movie. I used to date a lot of guys who went to college, tho, and they were cool. The parties were pretty wild, and I have to say I used to get completely wasted. One time I woke up in a frat house covered in whipped cream and shoelaces, with Altoids between my toes. Good times. They always used to say that if I went to college, I'd graduate "CUM LOUD," whatever that means. Sometimes I don't get that high-brow college humor.

In my big scene, I scrub the class nerd's windshield with my breasts--the script called for Debi to use her rear end to scrub with, but I felt that my character would rather use her breasts. It was a challenge to convince Vinnie the director, but he saw my points and agreed. As a result, I think the movie has a much cleaner, clearer message. And girls, FYI: whenever you use your boobs to wash a car, be sure to use a gentle soap! And for God's sake, strap on a sponge! Vinnie made me just use my boobies (he said they "photographed better" against the windows or something. Whatevs!) and my poor nip-nips were sore for days. That's like a football player twisting his ankles...it put me out of work for a while. Not cool.

I liked the overall message of this film, which the director told me was that the nerdy guys always win in the end. I guess. I've never seen it happen in real life, but whatevs, you know? The director was kind of a nerd anyway. He said he was going to write a part for me in "Sorority Car Wash 4--Soap on a Rope," but he didn't. Even after I did my special something to him, too! Loser.