Memory Lane: "Death Gobbler 5"

I just ran into someone on Myspace who I think might have done the special effects for Death Gobbler 5. Man, that was one of my favorite movie appearances. In case you haven't seen it (yet), I starred in all five of the Death Gobbler movies as Brandi Barr, an innocent stripper who has an unlucky run in with the Grim Reaper. In order to keep from dying too young, Brandi makes a deal with the Reaper: she will go out and bring in guys who escaped death by one way or another. And the way she sucks out their souls?

Think about it.

Brandi has become the Death Gobbler, and she is destined to forever walk the earth sucking souls out of the damned. And I think you have an idea how she does it, if you know what I mean.

Now isn't that a chilling premise? I thought so.

Anyway, Death Gobbler 5 was the last one in the series (the producer decided to put his backing money into porn instead of horror) and the director decided to end Brandi's gobbling reign. So she has to fight a force of good, codenamed "The Swallow," and the two have a showdown. I'm still not sure why the showdown had to happen while we were naked in a pool of blood, but the director had a vision and he knew it would look magical on screen.

After The Swallow wins the fight, she sucks Brandi's soul out (again, the director thought it would be meaningful for it to be through a kiss, but the bitch playing The Swallow hadn't brushed her teeth in, like, a week) and Brandi turns into an ugly-faced hag who still has a great body. That's where the special effects came in.

It was a cool experience to have my head cast again--it's like getting a really heavy facial. The hag mask was excellent, but I hope I never get that old and ugly. I mean, I looked at least 40. Ick.

I'm trying to get "Death Gobbler 6" made, but I don't know if the director wants to do it. He says all kinds of crap like, "But I already made that movie five times" and "Nobody wants to see you giving BJs of Doom anymore" but I don't believe him. I think my audience will always want to see me, no matter what I'm doing.

Am I right, or am I right?

I thought so. I'm right.